


Midnight Blues

by WorldsJunk



Series: Midnight Blues [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Drinking, Emotional Sex, Falling In Love, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Poetic, Sharing a Bed, Sleeping Together, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 13:15:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13482246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WorldsJunk/pseuds/WorldsJunk
Summary: Every night, every single night, Minseok laces their fingers together.“Goodnight”Every night Jongin feels like kissing.





	Midnight Blues

**Author's Note:**

> for Dulce most of all, Nivea and Kenzi.

"Am I your baby, hyung?" Jongin says, in complete seriousness and watches Minseok's eyes harden into the most unimpressed expression possible.

"You are a baby, alright" he says and continues tidying his room.

Jongin pouts, takes off his clothes and gets in Minseok's bed. Minseok pays no attention to him at all.

Offensive.

Jongin wakes up to Minseok poking him. The lights are off and Minseok smells like his blueberry body wash "yah, scoot over Jongin"

Jongin groans and turns, feels Minseok spoon him from behind.

  
"More a stuffed bear than a baby."

  
***

  
It becomes a habit before they even realize.

There isn't much to realize, Jongin just sleeps in Minseok's bed.

Sometimes he goes in late while Minseok is already asleep, leaving his clothes strewn over the floor. Others Minseok is late and Jongin is waiting for him, "hyung, you can tidy tomorrow, you can shower tomorrow, early, come to bed hyung" eyes half lidded, his back to the space that is exclusively reserved for Minseok to curl on behind him.

The one time Minseok kicks him out is when Jongin gets in with his hair wet from the shower, pissed off at him wetting the pillow.

Next day, Jongin makes sure to dry his hair well before going to bed, it's 4am and he's tired, but Minseok opens his arms for him to back into, always the little spoon, and gives him a kiss on the nape of his neck that makes him feel warm and snugly and it was totally worthy nearly falling asleep on his feet while drying his hair.

Jongin starts using the hairdryer much more often.  
  
***  
  
"It's good"

"Mmmm?" Minseok says sleepy rubbing Jongin's stomach.

"It's good you are here" Jongin goes on "it's warmer like this" behind his eyelids he sees snowfall.

"Hmm" Minseok says and abruptly sits up and rests his chin on Jongin's shoulder to look at his face "what do you mean it's good I'm here? this is my bed you little shit"

Jongin snorts and then screams when Minseok starts tickling him. "Jongin-ah your body is good, you've worked hard" Minseok says, going from tickles to pinching here and there and making Jongin squirm for his amusement before settling down behind him again "you look like a man."

And Jongin wants to tell him he is the coolest hyung, the manliest, that looks mean nothing and that Jongin thinks Minseok is the one that should be praised always. He wants to tell him this is nothing, that looks are nothing, wants to tell him he doesn't feels beautiful but that Minseok is; contradictory emotions all jumbled up in his tired brain but he wouldn't know how to say any of it even if he was fully awake.

"Thank you" he says.

Minseok falls asleep with both arms around him.

 

***

  
Minseok's breath smells of beer when he kisses his forehead, his cheeks, nose. Jongin feels the book he fell asleep reading slide away from between his fingers, hears it be put on the side table.

"Minseok hyung?" he asks, husky.

Minseok smells like night sky and some stranger's cigarettes. His cheeks and mouth are cold enough that Jongin feels it on every kiss Minseok puts on his shoulders and neck, between his shoulder blades  
"Jonginnie" he slurs, falls asleep fully dressed half on top of him.

Jongin doesn't opens his eyes at all.

 

***

  
  
Jongin sighs shakily. There's nothing wrong in particular, nothing bad has happened and still his brain twists into knots and a deep melancholy sets in his heart and he can't shake it off, he carries it the entire day, the whole week and then he carries it to bed too.

He just lays there and before he knows it he is crying like a stupid piece of shit. He tries to stay quiet but he knows Minseok knows almost the moment he sniffs.

"Jonginnie?" he asks, immediately followed by his hands pulling Jongin's away from his face, urging him to turn. Jongin puts his face on his chest and cries, silently as Minseok pets his hair "what's wrong?"

"I don't know" he says, and Minseok's arms hold him tight, tight, says nothing else. Jongin doesn't knows why he's crying, but he also can't tell Minseok that the more he holds him, the more he feels like crying.

  
  
***

  
  
Some days Minseok can't sleep and Jongin laces their fingers together and doesn't asks, just talks about dogs he likes, or book plots he's read, or movies he's interested in until Minseok stops fidgeting and his breathing evens. Some days Jongin can't sleep and Minseok speaks, teasingly at first, talks about work, about Jongin and Jongin listens.

And then they both talk, Jongin hesitates and fumbles and Minseok asks his questions honestly, caring and Jongin never hides, no matter how embarrassing it is because, he looks at Minseok and _sees him,_ doesn't feels like he needs to protect himself. Minseok is shy and hesitantly at first, a tiny self deprecating voice and then eloquent and then smart and sassy and Jongin listens to him verbalize things he's never heard him verbalize before. At least, like this, while in bed, in the dark together; Jongin feels like neither of them are scared of anything.  
  
Speaking openly is hard, at first, always. But the reward is worth it. The understanding in the other's eyes.  
  
They hold each other a bit closer. A bit tighter. Jongin backs himself up on Minseok's embrace, until every place that can touch, touches.  
Minseok kisses him right on the same spot between his shoulders every night.

  
***

  
Minseok sleeps soundly and so does Jongin.

They don't toss and turn.

Jongin stops having nightmares.

 

They still hardly speak during the day. Hardly touch. Hardly see each other. There have never been spaces they've shared, that are theirs, outside that little pocket universe they have under the covers.

Jongin almost wonders why.

 

***

  
Jongin stays awake in bed and reads, sees Minseok drag himself from practice exhausted. Takes off his shoes for him, like Minseok has done so many times for him before. Takes off his glasses and beckons him to bed when he falls asleep studying. Reads his thesis. Reads the passages of Minna no Nihongo Minseok told him to practice on.  
  
Minseok goes to Japan for his CBX schedules.  
  
Jongin sleeps in his bed. On Minseok's bed.  
  
Feels like he should be happy for this opportunity for privacy since he's had to sacrifice pretty much all of his jerk off time in favor of cuddle time.

(Minseok time.)

It wasn't even a conscious decision, and he couldn't possibly regret it but still, he needs to come once in a while.

Biology?

He ruffles trough all of Minseok's drawers he can get his hands into without getting out of bed looking for lube and god, there is practically nothing but his own books and anime figures on Minseok's bedside table and it makes him ache, how well their things have mingled without their even noticing. Despite Minseok not being there, Jongin has never felt more aware of him, of his own presence amongst everything he owns.  
  
There it is, half full and unscented at the very back of the third drawer.  
  
In his absence Minseok shines in Jongin's mind and he can think of nothing else as he curls on his side to tug sloppy on his dick the way he'd lay if Minseok was spooning him from behind like he's been doing every night for months now.

  
It's not like Minseok doesn't touches him enough. Maybe it's that he touches him too much.

Jongin can't help it, doesn't tries to push away the memory of Minseok's mouth on the back of his neck, the way his hands roam sometimes, his nails dig a little, possessive when he's falling asleep; almost perfectly he's sure, Jongin can imagine the way he'd touch if it was his hand around him, how his teeth would feel, how his mouth would taste. He comes shuddering, silent and wipes his hand on the sheets, thinking that Minseok would murder him for it.  
  
Jongin couldn't say this attraction is surprising, that his feelings are surprising, that his needs are. His emotional landscape is ever-shifting like his emotions were put in a blender.  
  
They shift always, like Aurora borealis; until they are set in stone.

 

***

 

The next day Jongin contemplates going back to his own bed. Doesn't knows what to do. He feels a bit ridiculous. He misses Minseok, but only at night. He wants to whine at someone about missing him but wouldn't even know where to start explaining.

They just sleep on the same bed.

  
***

  
The morning of the day Minseok comes back Jongin rolls to face him, wraps his arms and legs around him and doesn't let's him leave. He feels Minseok's exhale a laugh against his neck but offer no resistance.

  
Their bodies fit together perfectly. Like they were made to fit or like they had months and months of practice to fit. Anyone's choice.  
  
"five more minutes" Minseok says and Jongin knows then that he missed him too.

"mhmm" Jongin mumbles in agreement.  
  
It's way more than five.

  
***

  
The longer they sleep together the longer Jongin waits alone in bed as Minseok's showers before bed get longer and longer. Jongin sees him come in all warm and pink cheeked and know he's been jerking off.  
  
"Hyung" he pouts "don't take so long, I'm cold"  
  
Jongin wakes up with morning wood either way so it doesn't matters. Despite his obviously valiant efforts so does Minseok, Jongin can feel it against his ass sometimes; turns sleepily and blissful because he knows that unlike Jongin (who takes 2hs to be a functional human being even after he's fully dressed) when Minseok wakes, he is instantly fully awake.

Minseok doesn't leaves, doesn't tense up and Jongin indulges on this frustrating feeling like he is starved for it, relaxed as he feels Minseok's palm caress his back with one of those hands he mosturizes so religiously, arches a bit, groans with Minseok's stubble tickling his neck, his stomach hot against his half-hard dick and he stays like that, half asleep until he softens or falls asleep again or Minseok gets up; whatever happens first.  
  
Jongin knows himself a little masochist, but the situation also invites for a little sadism in him, makes him want hopefully to give Minseok something to jerk off to.

 

***

  
Some nights when Jongin gets out of bed to go to the bathroom or the kitchen he'll cross somebody doing the same thing and they'll look like they want to tell him something, but they don't.

Jongin feels no guilt, he's used to be speculated on.

  
***

 

"And call me, ok?" Minseok says, easily "I miss you" like it's nothing, like Jongin hasn't been biting his lips doubting whether to ask if he can or not, if it would be ok, if it wouldn't be imposing, wouldn't be assuming things that are not.

Minseok reaches up a hand and pets his hair and Jongin wants to kiss him, but even more he wants to curl into him, into his embrace and close his eyes. It happened before, when he broke his ankle and Minseok was so attentive and so, so good; this desire to curl into a tiny ball between Minseok's arms for long enough he'd maybe get some of his strength rubbed off on him. _Forever_ .

"you need to give me your number" Jongin says.

"you are shitting me"

  
***

  
"Japanese is hard hyung" Jongin says

Minseok laughs in his ear, his voice cacophonous over the phone "no it's not, Jonginnie"

"it's hard! You say it because you are some kind of genius that can do everything!" Jongin whines and hears Minseok's self deprecating laugh, a comment that isn't done with words but Jongin hears either way.    
"You've been studying a lot though, it's just a matter of practicing the phonetics"

Jongin sighs, long and suffering. He's being a little baby, but he's lonely, he's tired and Minseok indulges him.

"Jonginnie, they wouldn't have casted you if they thought you couldn't do it. You yourself know you can do it, all you have to do is just... go on" Minseok says, in his soft, tired voice "I know you can."

  
  
Jongin shoots his drama with a smile on his face.

Because he can.

 

***

 

There are no words for this pain.

They hold each other even though neither can sleep.

They mourn separately but when they sleep, they sleep together.

 

***

 

Jongin feels like they are toeing a line but he's fucked to see it. He just can't. Doesn’t knows what it edges, the picture escapes him. Feels scared but also feels, in a way, it has always been like this. Just like this.

He's fantasized about other people he knows before, obviously, it comes and goes. Who hasn’t? Jongin has eyes and he's got material, he's caught more than an eyeful.

Jongin looks at Minseok. They sing and dance, record, get pictures taken and just work like they've always have. Schedules feel barbaric.

Jongin is full of feelings, bitter and sweet. Feels like an armed bomb. Feels like this reality can't be real, and still knows only reality can be both this horrifying and anticlimactic simultaneously.

Jongin looks at Minseok and it scares him equally when he looks back and when he doesn't, just how raw his own need to be held is.

 

Jongin knows that the only hours Minseok can be himself, the only hours that are exclusively his, the real privacy, the real softness, the unguarded and tired words, the real sadness and self-doubt, they are his. Jongin owns those moments of Minseok's just like he's given him his own; they are his only to see.

Jongin knows inherently that Minseok will hold him, only him, but only when nobody else can see.

 

***

  
At the hotel, after the concerts, Jongin is so tired he can do nothing but pass out. When they arrange who shares a room with whom Jongin says nothing, does not argue to get to room with Minseok, who often goes with Jongdae or the manager. Minseok stays quiet as per usual.

Jongin shares rooms with whoever because it doesn't fucking matters.

He has to sleep alone in his bed. And it fucking sucks? It sucks.

Listen. _It sucks._

He tries hugging the pillow but really, no matter how fluffy the pillow is it's never going to hold him back.

He just lays with his eyes open, unable to sleep before tossing the covers angrily and leaving the room, careful not to wake Chanyeol. He walks through the hotel hallway barefoot on the carpet and knocks softly on Minseok's room.

He feels stupid. Minseok and Jongdae are probably asleep and he left his key on his room and now he's gonna have to sleep in the hallway like a complete ass, like this, half naked because he is not wearing a shirt again and Baekhyun is going to take embarrassing pictures of him and post them on sns and-

The door opens and Minseok's sleepy squinting face greets him "hyung I-" he starts but Minseok shushes him

"get in bed" he whispers, opening the door further.

"I'm sorry" he whispers back, nervous, feeling like he has to apologize and stumbling in the dark of the unknown room and crawling over the bed "I couldn't sleep"

"it's ok" Minseok answers, sliding behind him "I couldn't either."

  
Jongin sneaks out of his room every night.  
Nobody comments on it.

 

***

 

“Award ceremonies ain’t shit” Minseok says, tugs Jongin's pants off.

Jongin is all floaty. He's drunk maybe. Minseok is definitely drunk considering how he's giggling, bent in half with Jongin's jeans inside-out dangling from his hand.

“Y-ah, yeah” Jongin says, sees in his mind's eye how Minseok's eyes were full of unspilled tears today; looks down at himself, half laying in bed, fully dressed (coat and everything) from the waist up but nude from the waist down.

Minseok grins his lopsided little grin, and Jongin smiles back, eyes crossing, he's so close now. Minseok's mouth tastes spicy like strong alcohol and sweet like dessert.

“Happy new year” he says, and loses interest in him immediately afterward in favor of showering. He leaves Jongin's lips tingling, his brain fizzling like soda and (worst of all) alone to fend for himself against the rest of his clothes.

“hyuuung” he whines “hyuuu _u-u-u-uuung”_ but knows how strongly Minseok feels about showering drunk.

(it's great.)

 

***

 

“Read to me” Minseok says, pressing his cheek on his shoulder with unnecessary eyelash fluttering. The weather is getting warmer, they don’t need to be as covered and it’s even more warm with two people so Jongin is only wearing sleep pants. Minseok is unusually wearing boxers and a sleep shirt that is too big for him.

(Jongin is pretty sure he owns it but who can really tell, right?)

Jongin is surprised by the request but sits up against the headboard and reads out loud for Minseok, tries not to get distracted as little fingers draw circles on his chest

(He fails.)

 

***

  
"Do you want to stop?" Minseok says, and the question is slow and husky with sleep, private and hushed. A 3:42 am question, both mundane and transcendental.

"No" Jongin says, and means it.

  
***

 

When you live with a dozen men that are physically active, you know about sweaty smells, sweaty armpits, sweaty balls, sweaty feet. Sweaty _ass_ after dancing 4 hours non stop, 7 hours non stop, 1237 hours non stop.

The weather gets really warm, then hot. _Hot._

  
Minseok doesn't likes sleeping with the AC on because he says it dries his throat, Jongin argues on it being complete bullshit but Minseok assures him it is true, he catches colds when he sleeps with the AC on.

"Just put it lower hyung! I don't want to sleep inside Elsa's ice castle or... something" Jongin pouts as loud as he can, taking the remote hostage

Minseok sighs, all over the top disappointment “what is even the point of having the AC on if you don't have it cold as shit Jonginnie?!”

Jongin is so not letting him distract him from the issue, "hyung you are not turning the AC off, we'll _die._ "

Minseok hums and drops it casually, the suggestion that if he doesn't likes it, he can just leave and Jongin is so quick to change his tune, turning around on Minseok's arms, so hurt that it takes him a moment to see Minseok's face. So smug he can't even hide it.

Jongin breaks a little, then and there. Like a mouse falling in love with a hungry cat.

Minseok's arms tighten around his waist and Jongin feels twice as breathless as he looks at his eyes slit into a grin this close to his face.

"Minseokkie hyung" Jongin pouts, pinches Minseok's chest, close enough to his nipple to make him stop smiling like that.

"Jonginnie, would you say turning the AC off is... _cold_ of me?" Minseok says, deliberate before he starts giggling cutely at the disgust on Jongin's face.

" _leave._ "

Minseok laughs all the harder.

It's good Minseok gives for granted Jongin's presence in his bed. And Jongin is glad for it, because... he should.

"I just turn it off right before we fall asleep, everything's closed so the room should stay cool enough" Minseok says and Jongin reluctantly loosens his death grip on the AC's remote.

  
It is a valid theory, not that it matters. Jongin knows they are going to cook themselves into roasted chickens.  
  
It's worth it though. Maybe. A little. They don’t really burn and Minseok spoons him anyway of course, Minseok never stops touching him while they are in bed, and Jongin thinks he wouldn’t even stop doing it if it was a million degrees outside in a worst case scenario like the atomic bomb dropping in the first terminator or something but what is true is that they are both sweating. And that's the point where Jongin just... judges himself because Minseok smells actually kind of good? Sweat smelling nice is something Jongin remembers thinking about girls when he was like 15 which is ridiculous and a bit creepy and.... Minseok just smells like, clean and like... _Minseok_ . It's not like he's ever really minded about Minseok being sweaty or anything and Jongin only comes across this observation at high hours of the night and he is way too tired to be judging himself.

 _Whatever_.

"you need to wear less clothes to bed" Minseok says, pulling the only sheet they are covering with away from their bodies.

  
***

Jongin stops whining about the AC the following nights. There's something so good about cuddling mostly skin on skin. It's a million times better. Even when it gets a bit too warm it's still better. Closer.

Jongin didn't think he could sleep more like a log. But he does.

  
***

 

Tonight Minseok is like a furnace behind him, sweat pooling everywhere their skin touches and Jongin is tired and groggy from the heat but his dick is hard beyond just casual reaction to closeness.

Minseok's sweat slick hands caress up and down his chest, stomach, hip, up, down, up, down. A pendulum of scorching heat wandering up and down his body.

Jongin bites his lip and feels like his insides are melting, he's so hot, every exhalation a fog that intoxicates him, he holds his breath not to make sounds when Minseok scratches delicately between his collarbones, flicks his finger over his nipple, without rhythm, a part of his idle petting, like he isn't doing it with purpose.  
  
Jongin chokes on a whine and feels Minseok's aroused exhalation between his shoulder blades and it makes his skin erupt in goosebumps. Minseok pushes his thigh between his legs from behind and Jongin trembles, spreads his legs for him, slow, slow.  
  
It's too hot. Tonight's way too hot.  
  
There's no way that Minseok doesn't knows what he's doing to Jongin.

  
***

  
Minseok is quiet some nights. Not his usual calm and quiet but antipathetic, hostile. Puts his back to Jongin and apologizes for everything and nothing in particular.  
And Minseok who is never still, never stops moving, never stops working, who's face never stops emoting just... lays there.

Jongin can't stop feeling unwelcome and useless but he holds Minseok anyway. Those nights, despite the fact that Minseok fits in his arms so perfectly; it is like hugging a statue, but he doesn't let's go no matter how much it hurts.

 

***

 

Every night, every single night, Minseok laces their fingers together.

“Goodnight”

Every night Jongin feels like kissing.

  
***

 

“Who'll you sleep with when I enlist?”

“Nobody” Jongin says “no one”

Minseok smiles, wide and beautiful and calls him a liar.

Jongin knows himself a liar, hopes asinine not to be. Refuses to give it thought, doesn’t even wants to think about not having this anymore. This. Just _this_.

He pouts and puts little pecks all over Minseok's face, his half lidded, gorgeous eyes and his soft mouth, feeling stupid and giddy until he has a hand around his neck. Jongin melts into the mattress, under the warmth of his fingers, every place they are touching, as Minseok breathes against his mouth before he bites him on the shoulder. Hard.

 

***

 

Junmyeon, Jongin knew he would come with his We Need To Talk Face to sit before him in a neutral but quiet space, fingers laced, all handsome and stern and tired and Jongin knows what he's going to say, what he's going to ask and its way overdue, so much, Jongin guesses Minseok must have caught him by the tongue months ago; Jongin makes himself look distracted as Junmyeon starts and waits until he spots Sehun.

“ah, Sehunnie!” he beckons him closer

Sehun eyes back and forth between them, suspicious but quiet until Jongin opens his arms for him and hugs him. Jongin looks at Junmyeon expectantly over Sehun's shoulder.

Junmyeon gets the message and goes, there is no way he wouldn't. Jongin knows him well.

“what was that about?” asks Sehun.

“nothing” says Jongin “I'm hungry.”

“same.”

 

***

 

Tonight Jongin turns to face him and slots his mouth on Minseok's, feels hot and scared, too naked; kisses him again and again, intoxicated just by him kissing back, his acquiescence. Echoing want.

 

Jongin wraps his arms around his head, kisses his mouth and cheeks and chin and curves his back timidly, tilts his hips and feels Minseok's hand slide gently from his hair down his back, Jongin opens his mouth for him and feels his fingers dig so strong around his hips, leading him into a bolder, harder grind. Jongin shudders, feels their hard dicks line up through their underwear, rolls his hips against Minseok's until he lays on top of him with his arms over their heads and lets Minseok palm his ass, kiss the stubble along his jaw.

Minseok runs his teeth down his jugular and Jongin can feel his smile when he whispers “my Jonginnie” against his skin; an aroused shudder runs down Jongin's spine so violently it makes his hips still.

“want to stop?”

“no” he says, buries his face against Minseok's neck, kisses there “no,” needs to rebel against the suggestion. Feels too naked, too naked, wants to turn on the bedside table lamp and see everything even though his eyes are closed.

 

He spreads his hands wide around Minseok's chest, his waist, down his stomach and thighs and back up again, finds the beat of the veins on his hips and puts his thumbs there. Kisses his bellybutton and looks shyly up between his eyelashes and Minseok's face is full of heat and laughter as he rises his hips just enough for Jongin to get him naked.

Jongin tosses the underwear over his shoulder and lets his eyes roam as Minseok props himself on his elbows. He lets leg hairs tickle his lips, puts his cheek on Minseok's thigh and tongues at his cock, strokes him with his mouth and tongue, much more interested in tasting him than getting him off. Sucks him lazily, taking him in his hand, looking up at his face, feeling him harden fully against his palate and Minseok lets him tease, reaches down to pet his hair and it makes Jongin want to choke himself on it.

“ah fuck” Minseok gasps and his stomach and thighs flex and relax in pleasure under Jongin's gaze, his touch and yeah, _fuck_ “you look so good, Jonginnie”

Jongin's mouth waters around his cock as he sucks, takes all he can in his mouth, chokes overeager, just like he wanted to. The taste explodes in his mouth and he whines. Jongin's mouth loosens, ready to be used and Minseok groans, tugs him off by the hair, pulls him up to kiss, hungry.

Jongin tastes peppermint toothpaste and precome, their teeth clack, Minseok manhandles him like he weighs nothing, takes him by the waist with one hand, tugs his underwear as far as he can down his thighs with the other and Jongin moans in wholehearted agreement, feels Minseok's dick wet with his drool press against his stomach, wiggles hips and legs, desperate to be naked, for more skin on skin contact.

“I want to” Minseok swallows, hand running along Jongin's silhouette like he's molding clay into fine art “your thighs- can I?”

“yeah” Jongin doesn't knows what he means exactly but, _yeah_. Yes. He can have it. He should have it.

Minseok rolls them over, slides down until he kneels by his side and throws his underwear over one shoulder dramatically. Jongin laughs and pulls him on top of him, sucks kisses onto his chest, feels him up, from the swell of his ass to the top of his trapezoidal muscles, grinds against his thigh and feels his hips twitch while he searches madly amongst the drawers. Jongin feels like his blood's been replaced with something effervescent and sweet.

“it's on the third” Jongin says only when he is _absolutely_ _sure_ he's sucked a hickie on Minseok's chest.

Minseok stills minutely on top of him “oh, is it?” before he slides down the bed again, lays on Jongin's side, lube in hand.

 

Minseok kisses him, shoulders and chest and mouth, palms his dick, makes Jongin quiver, spreads the lube between his thighs thoroughly, unhurriedly; Jongin feels giddy, nervous but endeared at how focused Minseok is at the same time.

Jongin thinks about asking where he learnt this but decides he doesn’t really wants to hear the answer.

“Turn around for me. On your side” Minseok says, kisses his cheek and Jongin curls on his side of the bed, like every other night “tell me to stop?”

Jongin nods, reassured that he can but knowing he won't. Doesn't. Stays put as Minseok moves him, backs him up against his cock, curls an arm around their hips to pet Jongin's own dick, his stomach and tug on his nipples gently as he finds a rhythm fucking his thighs. Jongin categorizes everything and finds himself almost nauseous with how turned on he is, so much, so quickly.

Minseok calls him baby, moans his name, soft and desperate and Jongin reaches down between his legs to jerk himself off but Minseok grabs him by the wrist, bends his arm against his chest and Jongin starts shaking and doesn't stops, incoherently turned on and unable to do anything about it, his teeth and tongue sucking on the fingers of his own free hand in pathetic attempt to stay quiet, overwhelmed by the sensation. Jongin looks over his shoulder into Minseok's eyes and Minseok lifts himself up on an elbow, holds his gaze in complete awe

“fuck _Jonginnie_ ” his cock, hard and slick, fucks between his thighs a little faster, the tip pushing between his hole and the delicate underside of his balls back and forth in a merciless caress that feels _good_ , fuck _,_ again and again, thighs slap gently the back of his and Minseok is so _hard_ , Jongin wants it so bad. Crosses his ankles and curls his toes, wants to beg, crying for the things he's scared of even asking, holds Minseok's gaze and whimpers again and again at him like he's really getting fucked how he craves so suddenly instead. Minseok shudders, buries his face on Jongin's back and comes, his fingers dig painfully on his wrist and the pain makes Jongin throb, so turned on he can't breathe. He feels him jerk and spurt between his legs, looks down and can't see it between his thighs but can feel it, wet and hot. So hot.

Jongin moans, open mouthed and Minseok pushes him flat back on the mattress, kisses him fast, crawls down his body and Jongin feels again how badly he wants to bite but doesn’t, wishes he would, that he _could_.

There's only light enough for it to reflect, make Minseok's eyes gleam, the lube glisten on his still hard cock and the top of his thighs as he sucks him quick and loud in their room, bobs his head up and down, tongue swirling, soft fingers caressing Jongin's balls and spreading the mess between his legs, like he can't wait for him to come in his mouth. Jongin's mouth slacks, body still shaking, he's physically unable to give a fuck about being quiet

“yes, yes” _yes_. Moans, throaty and loud and spreads his legs for Minseok's fingers to drop lower, slick with come and lube and fuck. “Yes” _fuck yes_. Minseok does the smallest suggestion of pushing inside him, swallows around him, eyes _burning,_  and Jongin's orgasm tears off him, deafening.

 

 

The next day Jongin wears a sweater with long sleeves in which he is too warm in. He tugs the sleeves until only the tips of his fingers peek out.

It would do nobody good to see the bruises around his wrist, five possessive fingerprints.

There's a camera somewhere and Minseok doesn't looks at him.

And yet Jongin can't stop himself from staring at the spots where he left hickies on, like he has Superman's x-ray vision.

 

***

 

Jongin wanders through the dorms, pushes open Baekhyun's door. Baekhyun is chattering loudly without stopping to breathe and Minseok is half laying in bed, flicking trough a magazine and making sounds of agreement occasionally. The bed is neatly done amongst a mess of clothes and shit and Jongin feels amused, knows Minseok made the bed _just_ to lay on it. Minseok notices him and makes a tiny beckoning gesture with his wrist and Jongin beelines towards the bed, crawls on top of Minseok, tangles arms and legs, buries his face on his neck and settles.

Minseok continues flicking trough his magazine.

Eventually, Baekhyun realizes there's someone else in his room apart from Minseok and himself and turns on his seat to look at them up and down. Jongin refuses to move away, strokes the nape of Minseok's neck with his thumb and thinks only about how comfortable he is.

Best cuddles _ever_. All that's missing is his dogs and he'll never move a muscle again.

Baekhyun grins and opens his mouth and Jongin stiffens, ready for the commentary; Minseok lowers his magazine only enough to glare daggers at him. Baekhyun (for the second or third time in his life, bless him) shuts up and turns back to his game.

Jongin spreads, slowly, his fingers on Minseok's chest. Feels how satisfied Minseok is radiate off him, like heat from a stove.

Jongin kisses him, doesn’t cares who hears.

 

***

 

It's ok, right? It's alright.

Jongin is just used to be touched, he touches everything, everyone. He lives, jumping from comforting touch to another.

This is no big deal. He's done this before too. Who hasn’t? Right? _Right_.

 

Some day, walking, out there and not in bed, _not in bed_ , Minseok looks at him mid sentence; looks at him just like that, like nobody else exists, caresses so casually about his waist, hyper familiar touch in an alien scenario and Jongin feels like sinking.

Like a tight, showy, complicated knot that unties with a simple, gentle tug.

Undoing.

 

***

 

It happens suddenly and without planning on their part (Jongin's part at least, he is not completely sure about Minseok,) like everyone lost interest in them. They have to room together at the hotel and Minseok's mouth is a constant smile as soon as the door closes behind them. Jongin starts a nervous stuttering babble about their upcoming schedule and lets Minseok tug clothes off him, like it's normal, lets Minseok get the shower ready and push him gently under the spray. Jongin sways, so tired, wishes he could keep his eyes open to watch the water run down Minseok's chest, stops thinking and melts into Minseok's touch as he washes his hair instead.

Later, Jongin kneads Minseok's ass timidly and thinks they should ban any garment from being worn to bed, for good. Naked cuddling is in every single way _superior_.

“don’t get clothes ever” he mumbles, half asleep already, face squashed against Shea butter scenting skin, feels Minseok's frame tremble in silent laughter and wants badly but distantly to watch him come but he's way too tired to be aroused.

 

Jongin discovers hotel rooms are the shit.

 

Less eyes in hotels, empty carpeted hallways where their footsteps don't echo and Jongin can crowd Minseok casually against a corner to press against his hip, let him feel how hard he is already getting for him. Loves Minseok's disapproving eyebrow tilt, loves locked doors that actually lock without risk of repercussion, walls nobody listens trough; loves the way their space perceptively widens. Loves the way one bed is nothing but a coat rack, another surface to throw wallets and bags on. Loves showering together, the way Minseok moans for him as loud as he likes, until it echoes on the bathroom tiles. Loves the way Minseok can just lift him up and carry him into bed, walking a straight military line even when Jongin is squirming with arms and legs around him, pulling his hair, viciously trying to rob the very air of his lungs through his mouth to breathe. Loves how obviously they both want to make all the beds smack against the wall but mostly end up falling asleep on each other's arms, even when their exhaustion is so obviously the reason Minseok hasn’t fucked him yet and it's slowly killing him.

Loves daring, only once or twice, leaving all the lights on and _seeing_.

 

***

 

It's like Minseok has his own gravity field and Jongin is just space junk hopelessly caught on it, drifting with no strength or inclination to attempt escape.

Jongin is insightful and imagines it may be because for him it's always been mostly girls. There's been very few men but, somehow they've been more important? Girls see him, almost trough him, like he's passing by through their lives, their beds, their dates, a beautiful ghost they can't really fully touch. They wouldn’t be wrong.

Girls never look at him like they can keep him.

 

***

 

Jongin isn't worried, most of it continues back at the dorms. Jongin forbids Minseok to wear clothes to bed for starters.

And he loves watching in privilege how Minseok grows so unconcerned about his nudity when he talks about complex ideas, laying sculptural in his own bed. Loves having time for reading on his stomach, focused and relaxed surrounded by the smell of carefully chosen detergent clean sheets, Minseok's hand between his thighs, like it belongs there. Having the time to put little bruises on places as hidden as possible, to tease and tease and tease. The way Minseok looks at him when he laughs sometimes. How little he needs to talk to understand. Stealing sips of Minseok's coffee every morning while watching him go through his routine and every morning telling him it tastes like shit.

Other things, it's just not possible to.  

 

Silence and shadow cover them always, they just get quieter and darker again and again.

Jongin squeezes his eyes so hard he sees stars, color exploding behind his eyelids in the pitch black.

 

***

 

It's some night, some thing; fireworks.

Valentines, Christmas, his birthday, tanabata, the Fourth of July. _Something_.

Minseok kisses him, slow and mind-numbing, fingers himself open and sinks slow and steady around him. He's tight and so hot inside and Jongin moans non-stop as Minseok rocks back and forth on top of him, whimpering in pleasure, laces their fingers together, kisses his lips, sets a rythm, lets Jongin follow.

Minseok looks down at him, beautiful and knowing and Jongin feels so good, feels utterly, utterly ruined.

He starts sobbing because it's not sex.

 

Realizes violently what he's condemned them both to. A little kid that recognizes a game isn’t a game at all, at last.

 

***

 

Taemin glares at him “you are an asshole.”

“ _you_ are an asshole” Jongin laughs and promises not to come crying even though they both know that this is only another promise he's not going to be able to keep.

“I just want you to be happy” Taemin says and Jongin hears what he means; _I don't want you to hurt._

“I am” Jongin says, kisses the edge of Taemin's mouth. Taemin is unfazed, bats him away

“I mean for as long as you possibly can, you _asshole_.”

Jongin loves and hates that Taemin just knows.

 

***

 

Jongin walks around, smiles nonchalant in public, walks between things, people, chairs, scenery, props, the MC, tables; casually spiralling towards Minseok until he's close enough to touch. To be looked at. To be felt just for a fraction of a second. Sometimes, he gets it.

With the strength of an avalanche, a feeling that started tiny and became huge, he opens his mouth and begs for Minseok to fuck him already, please, _please, please fuck me, please_. Begs as messily as he feels, as wrecked a he wants to be. Drops to his knees, drops all pretense.

 

Next day Minseok babies him in front of everyone, like he can't help it. Like he's telling him he did good, so good _._

_(my Jonginnie.)_

Jongin finds more things to become irreparably covetous for.

 

***

 

He's always seen Minseok's tells but at some point Minseok traced all the constellations of Jongin's microcosm of tiny, infinitesimal bodily gesturing; Jongin feels around the clock like a book to be read by Minseok's stolen glances and it's _good_ to feel like this.

Like Minseok is carving space inside his skin just for himself, only for himself, without words.

Jongin blankets himself with Minseok's body, takes his weight on his, all of it, until it's hard to breath, then crosses his arms around his waist so he can't move away.

 

***

 

Jongin feels the ache every day and feels how very little 'enough' is every night.

It's never enough, feels like an addict to Minseok's embrace. Enough is nothing. Nothing. He can't settle.

Minseok is both better and worse than him at it. Pretending. Jongin can't find it in himself to care so much but Minseok is so hard on himself, like he is always with everything. 

It's breathtaking, amazing and terrible. All of it; feeling like this.

Jongin tastes later, later, sometimes much later, the heartbreak, the hunger in Minseok's kisses that reverberate so loud with mirrored sweetness and need, overwhelming desperation only in pitch black darkness, the only place where they can be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm curious. As an insomniac it felt terribly indulgent to write a fic that mostly entirely happens in bed.  
> I showed this to several friends before posting, got all sorts of questions; I liked it because there are many parts so open for interpretations and I thought of none of them while writing. I am working on 4 heavy plot fics right now but for some reason I could only work in this character exploration thing until it was done.  
> there may be some formatting errors and I apologise, I'll edit them as soon as I can.


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